i'm still here
i love my friends so much, and i don't ever, EVER want to be parted from them.

my nans been submitted to hospital after they think she had a stroke
mmyeh.
im going to see her soon.
bleh
i just hope so much, that she gets through this.
not for me, for my mum, because shes been through alot recently, moving house etc and the death of her mum would be so much worse.
and after my dads mum died, he went downhill fast. he drank lots and stayed inside, and got moody.

GRAN PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GET BETTER.
xxx



thats all really
nothing new,
my brothers still coming along strongly

thankyoulord.
<3

WOAH I managed to get back onto my account!

I was bored yesturday so I started thinking about this journal, and after many attempts as remembering the password and email address, I FINALLY GOT IN.

*yaaary*

Well LOADS has happened, for a start I've started to get out more. No more days of being stuck inside with the computer! I've got a new boyfriend for a start - Laurie.

OOOohmy, he is GOORGUS! xD

We've been going out for about 3 months now. Also, I doubt you will believe it but Amy is now one of my best friends! Yeah..*Whistle*

We started talking at Jack's house party about January, and she just started saying how she'd mucked up our friendship and everyone elses, and I had a moan as well and in the end we were sort of crying and hugging each other.

So alls good- ish.

Nadine's gone.

She left me. I couldn't belive it when she came round in her mohair sweater on a snowy December evening- tears pouring down her face.
She said that some guy had gotten her msn address, and she thought it was Ashley (a guy in my class). It turns out her Dad saw everything that he wrote, and he wrote really bad stuff like calling her a slag and stuff..Then her Dad says she was going to move schools.

She sat on my bed, fumbling with my teddy, as if she wished she was a child again.
"I'm moving schools, Caz." She mumbled, and I felt as if the tightest buckle around my stomach had been released.
"What! Is that all! I can still see you every weekend or-"
"-And to Scotland."
"What?!" I shouted standing up, making her jump. I felt the bucket re-tighten around my waist, so hard that I couldn't breathe.
"I know! It's really bad! You won't be able to come and see me either because the train fair is like 80 pounds..." And she told me everything that happened, crying a little on my shoulder. I had my arm around her, but I felt so empty.

Nadine's been my best friend for years, we've had are arguments but underneath it I've still loved her to pieces.

It was like going to a funeral, I dressed my best and met Nadine just as she was about to leave. She sighed, squeezing my hand as she looked up at her house.
"I'm going to miss ya', carina," She said, and we hugged for one last time and then she drove off in her jam-packed car with her care-less parents grinning smugly in the front.
She looked back over the window and waved, as she went on to live another life.

Afterwards I felt so ... empty. Becca and Hannah were still my friends of course, but they could never seem to make me laugh the way Nadine did, or cheer me up the way she did.

But hey, we still keep in touch.
I'm still livin' mah lyfe, with wonderful friends. I've also taken up a new hobby- Kick Boxing
It's like reeeally satisfying- just to let your anger out and punch the crap out of someone.

Hmmnmnmnm, well thats it really.
I hope your life's still good

_.;*xox{ Caz }xox*;._

Uh well firstly, Dad your wrong. He always said that drink brings out the 'Real you'. Bullshit. It just makes you look like a f00l. Then it hurts alot in the morning.

Some guy from school was having this House Party coz he was moving house, he's got a massive house. Maybe he was moving to a mansion. I never really asked him. Annie, becca & hannah (best girlfriends ever w00t <3) and me went on this shopping spree on friday afternoon and I got this white strappy top from Kookai n black skirt. I hate skirts but i ordered some awesome heels {the pic from the catalouge is below, scanning in so it looks crap}    & i brought a furry off-the shoulder jumper. I was trying really hard, but then some people don't want that. Amy & Mike slagged me off, saying lots of crap. Amy was the only one who wasnt invited, Naddie was, so we both went together on the train. It was ok i spose, she was being over-polite.

So we got there & it turned out to be a waste of time... this guy was really braggy. There were bottles of vodka everywhere... And Mike was dancing with this girl who was blonde and lent down so that he could see down her top. So I started to get into the party mood and I was depressed over Mike and how stupid he was, all that soppy stuff. Y'know Liam, from the last post, he was there too. He's got a girlfriend though.. Hmm. Naddie was happily dancing lazily with this weird boy who had a skin head. what a sucker. I had a bit too much to drink & I was gonna be sick so I kinda legged it up the stairs and tripped over in my heels. Dam me, I musta looked so red (well the light was off so people couldnt see ) And then Liam came down and I started crying because I was depressed and I felt so cheap + nothing seemed to go right for me and I had a massive tear in my skirt. Liam was so nice though, he got me up and took me to the bog where I was sick everywhere. Urgh. Then I said Mike was getting girls into bed even though we broke up like a week ago, and that it was my fault... And Liam sorta sat me down. And it was dark so I couldnt see what I was doing, but I was that close to snogging him when Mike and his lover came barging into the toilet half dressed. I felt like kicking him. Even though it wasnt my toilet.. And then I felt sick, uh uh uh... Then I gobbed up all over Liam, Mike and that girl. I felt like such an idiot, I ran. And my skirt was ripped so i had to hold it up all the way to the train station. And those fucking heels were annoying too, I started crying again too because mum hadnt called me, and Liam and me could never be together because he already had a girlfriend, and my life is such a mess.

And this morning I felt like shit. really. And Im watching Ant +Dec's Saturday night take-away. Its funny  Well, Im bored. And thirsty.

Caz

xxx

{the pic from the catalouge}

God, I'm in such a bad mood -_- I seriously want to sit down and cry. Ok maybe not. But everyone seems to hate me, and im being so forgetful lately last Friday I ended up having double detentions. Maybe its the curry, evil effects are making me so fucking unorganised. I wanna go somewhere (France, Spain, Portugal..?). France would be good, skiing so funny! I go skiing every year with my mum, mum's friend & her daughter, who's 5. Shes that sort of kid who went she was a baby everyone used to coo over. She calls me "laz". Kinda off-putting when it sounds like 'lez' [which I am NOT..!]

I got sick of Mike and dumped him. I fancy this cute lad called Liam, I sound like such a slut! But ive been out to Barsive a couple of times with liam (bumping into Amy + naddie, we hate each other now) and he's great fun. He makes me laugh so much <33

Amy released her own single! *cough**laugh**cough* Yup, she wasted £20 on a song Nadine wrote and went to a recording studio. The song is so lameee, its got this sort of droning on background music, and then Amy sings and the CD player breaks. I can even sing better, but I don't feel like becoming a teenage pop star. Urgh. Waste of youth, who wants to be stuck singing when you could go out clubbin' eh?

Yeah, my mum was alright. I heard she had to live down in a basement for like, 2 days. I wouldnt half get bored Bah, another hurricane coming >:://////

Ok, must go. Screaming.

x  Caz  x

Naddie told Amy. I hate her so much. Well, Amy got her lil army of shrimps on me the next day, like I really cared... (Amy's new hair cut had attracted a bunch of dweebs to hang round her) But everything seems to have gone downhill since then, all my cash seems to have gone missing (wtf?) But Kate's moved from Manchester down to here, yay! So that's why I haven't been posting much, soz <3

God, Im having a really bad day. Everyones shouting at me... And I feel so sick. Maybe it was the Chinese last night, I had with Mike. He's started treating me like dirt, calling me stuff behind my back. Urgh, I hate boys soo much now. Ill dump him tomoz... (Ill probably look back and say "why the fuck did i do that?!"

Hurracane gone over America, where my mum now lives... <33 Im so worried!

May the souls of the terrorist attack in USA today, R.I.P.

Caz x

56 Sheds - its only the beginning

Ahem, yes. 56 Sheds is a community down my area where we all start chaos. It sounds bad, but its seriously fun. Nothing serious, we usually get sponsored. And then the money goes to a chosen charity, ok? I hear you calling "Why is it called '56 Sheds'?" I'm not sure really, but this thing started ages ago, and they had 56 members. I think. Its grown since then... But I'm looking forward to it! And Lana came down from Man U *yay*

 

Laterz, Caz. x

Mellie, chicken! Years ahead, may ye laff!

Have fun hun, Caz. (Grey hairs youll be growning soon , well 15 is big xD)

Ohhh dear... I'm in deeep trouble  I ended up meeting with Mike yesturday, and Char, Amy, Nadine, and some other boys. It was planned last week, when Mike and Amy where still going out.

Mike kept giving Amy odd glances, it might have been her new hairstyle, or he might just be afraid she might stalking him again. Amy was doing her best to keep her pride, laughing along. I don't what got into me, it was just like I was seeing Mike for the first time. He was fit as heeelll. Naddie seemed to be impressed too.

 Yeah, I ended up being a total cow and flirting with Mike. I knew how much Amy cared about him...

So, now, I'm going out with Mike. Amy doesn't know. Naddie knows.

What have I done?

Caz ... x

Happy birthday hun! Teh big nutcracker 15th.

    

 

Lol, when I went to the train station, Naddie looked stunning in tight blue jeans and a small red top. There was already a clump of boys standing around her, when she saw me she started waving like crazy. So we got chatting to the boys, who were at least 16. When we got off the train they asked us if we wanted to go to the park. We blushed and said 'later'. So they sauntered off.

"Pity. That Mark guy had a nice ass as well," Nads said, sighing. I grinned at her.

Then Amy suddenly came bounding up out of no where, a cheery smile on her face. But her hair. It was a wonder what the boys might have called her if they hadn't left. She'd dyed it strawberry blonde, and she'd had it cut, so that it framed her face childishly. She looked about 9. 

"So what do you think of the hair then?" Amy said, flicking Nads fringe and sneering. I looked at Naddie, I didn't have to say anything. We both burst out in giggles, so much Nadine was crying

"Wonderful" I giggled, keeping my head down. Amy just said I was a total jealous idiot, and that long hair was soo last year. She didn't seem to mind that Nadine was giggling everytime she shook her head, so that the back of her neck was exposed. They linked arms and Amy showed her some of the shops she thought were good. I was pissed off by now. Then I spotted the boys from the train earlier, they were staring at Nadine, then staring at Amy. Then one of them shouted to us.

"Blonde one looks like a slapper!" He said, joking.

"Slappers arn't dumpy with shit hair cuts!" Nadine yelled, spotting the boys. I thought Nadine liked Amy?!! The boys jeered and Amy flushed crimson and begged Nadine to come with her to go see another shop. But she was already walking over to the boys, Amy looked at me pleadingly. But Nadine was shouting for me to come over, so I did.

"Alright sweetie?" A tall boy with rosey skin, and blonde hair flopping over his face asked me, holding my elbow. I smiled at him cheekily. He was soo fit. Nadine was chatting up Mark, the nice ass guy.  

Amy strutted over, not looking at either of them. "Come on Carina," She tugged at my hoody.

"I'm staying, come if you want,". So she wandered around the park with me and Ross, Nadine & Mark and another boy also chatting up Nadine. Ross started getting a bit impatient and tryed to pull me over to the trees. I disagreed flatly, and looked for Nadine. She was in a clump of trees in the shadow pulling Mark. Then I just sat down with Ross, waiting until Nadine was done.

Then he chatted to me abit, then went a bit too far. I pushed him gently.

"Nadine! Me and Amy are going now!" I yelled across into the trees. She came eventually, looking smeared and flushed. Amy was very quiet until she got off on the train. Nadine nattered on about this me-and-Mark saga, "Do you think I should call Mark? Or was he just using me? He's sweet though..." I let her drone on. The night was sort of fun. What if the guys got too pushy though?

I ended up getting grounded again for being late. I don't really care... I wonder what Nadine's mum is gonna say? Her mum is cool about shopping and money, but always seems fussed if Nadine comes home late... And Amy? What about her?

Dunno. I'll have to phone them tomorrow...

>[Caz]<

 I'm going out tonight with Nadine and Amy to Barsive Shopping Centre, it was Nads idea. Amy had recently been dumped by her first boyfriend, a boy she was totally nuts on. Can't blame him, Amy was practically stalking him. So I got dragged along with them shopping, ok, I love shopping - but with just Nads. Last time we went shopping loonngg ago, Amy fusses and waves her cash in our faces, asking when were going to stop for some food. She usually fusses so loudly that everyone stares. Hopefully she's changed by now. I hate that fat bitch, lumbering along with me and Naddie to Barsive.

Mike, Amy's ex, was ok I s'pose. He wasn't a total nerd, but wasn't with the druggie/smokers/pervs. He was cute, and acted in a silly way. He'd dumped Amy after she went a bit far, and followed him home. She couldn't stop crying. That's when Naddie asked her to come shopping with us. She looked startled and said yes then blushed. Anyone would think she had a crush on Nadine.  Nadine's got long-ish beautiful red hair, pretty tall and slim. I'm the same really, but black hair.

I'm meeting Nads down at the train station, then were going on to town, were Amy will be, unless she's got lost lol.  Stoopid hair

Lateeeer.

*#[Caz]#*